My sleep was so beautiful this morning. So calming and peaceful.
Except for the part where Roxanne went out of the room and locked the door as she went, but knocked ever so lightly on the door again because she forgotten to bring her keys out with her.
So like a half dead zombie, I sat up to unlock the door for the sweet little cousin of mine.
But I didn't really mind, because I know the morning is still early. I still have time to snooze. And the best part was, my alarm never rang. I joyfully took note of that that with morning sleepy brain.
I closed my eyes and went back to wherever I want to. It was like I'm in a field of tall grassy green field. Gusts of wind blowing in circles and me just standing in the mists of it all. Basking in the glory of God's wonderful creation.
I was enjoying my make-believe dream until I noticed how bright the sky is and like how comedy movies would always pause play the rewind track, my brain gave me a mind-attack by realizing my phone's alarm has not yet ring.
It's suppose to annoy me at 7.50am everyday. Unfortunately, the intensity of sunlight penetrating through my eyelids and eventually into my eyeballs tells me it's definitely past 7.50am.
I sat up so fast, I'm sure it would break all 33 of my backbones if I had osteoporosis (which I am currently gratefully thanking God I do not have).
I started out clam. Tossing everything on my bed. When I couldn't find it, I started looking in my study desk. When that didn't produce any result, I finally picked up my glasses.
No visually challenged person picks up their glasses unless they get serious.
No one, not even I-Love-Sleep-Tammie.
I turned my sling bag upside down searching for the phone. It was then I also found out my purse is also missing.
Wow.
Talk about waking up on the wrong side of the bed.
This is heavy news to register, 8am early in the morning.
If I really lost my purse AND phone at yesterday night's mamak, I can pretty much get ready to make my IC, driving licences, Student ID, atm card all over again. Yay.
Oh the excitement.
No. I refuse to be emotionally down so early of the day. My past experience and faith taught me to seek Him first NO MATTER how terrible the situation is.
I told Father I'm deeply troubled. I cannot focus on alone time with Him, but I want to. I asked Him to keep my purse and phone in safe hands. Somehow, when I'm still asking Him that, I know it will be done. It sounds unreal when I put it in words, but a sense of confidence that my Lord will be faithful and a sense of comfort just filled me up to the brim.
Finally I got to contact Hubert (even when my phone is not with me, mind you) and he confirmed the purse and phone is in his car. Praise the Lord.
He said it's even more amazing no one took it, because it was left exposed on the back car-seat. Double praise the Lord.
But if I thought my trial was over, I'm a fool.
Waiting to get the phone and purse back requires a whole other level of patience and calmness.
But the most challenging part I faced was not the lack of patience, but rather, the feeling of lack of security.
I know I'm not the only one who doesn't feel secure not having money and phone with me wherever I go. I feel completely vulnerable. Like a newborn, facing the world alone.
Having enough cash in my purse lets me know I have control, that I can make decisions on my own.
Having a phone in my hand lets me know I can reach out to friends for help whenever I'm in need.
Strip me of these 2 essential things and put me outside my house, in my eyes, I having nothing of worth. No sense of power, no sense of control.
I guess that part was the hardest because it requires me to completely and fully and just 100%-ly trust in God.
I don't know how to contact Hubert. I don't know how to wait for him in a restaurant without any cash with me.
It was a real eye-opener.
It got me thinking.
I've always been in my own safe little comfort zone. A roof over my head, a nice bedroom with cute lights, a loving supportive family, an awesome group of friends... all these things are very good, but do they take up too much of space in my heart? Do I depend too much on them?
Shamefully, my answer is yes. Most of my life, I lean on these things too much.
When if one day, just like Job, all these are taken away from me (which is highly possible, seeing that we live in a world where things are constantly changing), will I drop into the deepest pit of depression and anxiety and be completely destroyed?
... or will I be able to focus my source of love and strength on my heavenly Father (who will never ever change), and be completely unfazed by the changes of my earthly surroundings?
Will I still be obedient to answer His calling?
Will I stay faithful to Him?
For I know all these things will come to an end one day. But what my Father have with me is eternal.
I want to invest in the areas that are eternal.
When the time calls for it, letting go of tangible worldly things are never easy. But just like a verse ma made me memorize when I was very young in Matthew 6:26 assuredly reminds me:
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"
Remember this daily, Tammie.
It will do you good.
:')
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