Let me tell you, it'll be dead. Kaput.
It will need to be sent back to the headquarters of the laptop company to be fixed.
This will mean you are not able to access the internet, unable to use your computer as a source of daily entertainment and worst of all, it will mean money must be spent on the fixing.
Any university and collage student will tell you that laptop is their life. It helps them connect to the big word out there, without leaving their seats, or house, for that matter. The main thing is, a student cannot afford losing the laptop.
And I almost did that today.
I did the unthinkable by putting my water bottle (which has a history of leaking) in the same bag as my laptop.
The intensity of how much my laptop is wet can be seen by the papers I put in the bag too. 1/3 of the papers are soaked. I can see through the papers. It's lifeless and delicate; able to be torn in half with just a stroke of wind.
No prizes for guessing if my laptop can still be switched on or not after that.
My heart sank to my foot when the laptop screen would not turn on, even though the ON button lights up. There's still no sign on life.
The lights would turn off after 20 seconds. I kept trying a few times, and the results are the same.
I'm beginning to think of the worst. I thought of going on weeks without a laptop, that idea caused depressing thoughts.
I begin to pray. Praying hard. Making promises to God. I kept building up my faith that He'll make this work. I kept pushing my faith. I kept believing harder and harder that this will work, God will answer my prayers.
But after half an hour, I stop focusing so hard on the laptop. I left my laptop ventilated by the bedside fan, and left to bathe.
I can't help but have that tinge of bitterness and disappointment in me the whole time. I had faith. So why didn't it work? Why wasn't my laptop cured? Didn't God say that if we ask, it will be given to us, according to His will? I was doing exactly that just now. What more should I do?!
I had faith! My faith was strong! I believed so much, it hurts. Because deep down I know it's pretty impossible to fix this mess I have myself in, yet I still foolishly believed God can cure it for me.
A voice inside me logically reasoned that I should seek professional help instead of having faith. Oh, that sounds good, but the thing is, I don't know how or where to seek professional help. My only source of professional help is in Kuantan- le uncle. It all seems like a foolish game I'm playing with God.
Now I'm back in my room. I stared at my otherwise normal looking laptop, sitting lifelessly on my bed. How much I wish it's not dead. How I wish I'm able to turn it on and go online this moment. But I know that's not going to happen just yet.
So I sulked. Turned on the TV, flipped through The Little Prince. Carelessly shifting my attention between the Korean drama going on TV2 and the tiny book in my hands. I glanced longingly at my red laptop.
As much as I am frustrated that 'having faith' did not work the first time, I know I shouldn't let it go just like that.
I closed my eyes and really prayed this time. No urgency. No quick prayer to make it happen. I just wanna talk to God.
It's funny what that does to you; when you just take a break form all the worries, and just draw near to God. Words come to my mind as I prayed. Words that I believe was from the Spirit, and not me, because He reminded me of what real faith is.
I've caught myself doing this before, and it happened again just now.
I was too desperate to 'have faith'.
To have real faith, is not an action to preform for God to see. I cannot believe 'really hard' and hope God sees it to grant what I prayed for. Hadn't He clearly say that it is by faith and not by works that we are all saved?
To have real faith, is knowing that God can do anything. And by anything, I mean ANYTHING. It's not because that I do not have enough faith that God doesn't answer my prayers. It's because I've been foucsing on myself, my own ability to have how much faith.. see my problem? It's pointing back to me again, not God's ability.
I have been using my faith as a benchmark, a 'work' for God to see. I thought if I focus really hard, and invested all my strength on my faith that God will revive my laptop, it will work.
But it doesn't work that way. I should never turn my faith into 'works'. If you understand me, let me continue.
Faith is not something we can force ourself into. Faith is not something you should feel uncomfortable having 'too much' or 'too little'.
If you feel that you're having too much faith on something that seems impossible to happen, that's not faith in God. That, my friends, is having faith in yourself.
It's a tricky thing. I'm not sure if you follow. But if you do, bravo. Don't fall for it ever.
So I made a prayer and laid hands on the red laptop. I said,
'I know You can do anything. Because You have already defeated death, sin and bondage. I know You have the power to revived this hopeless electronic device. I know You can do it. So if this is according to Your will, please, let my laptop be able to function again. I do not want to let it be sent to the office for repairs because I know You can do it for me. Amen.'
With that, I pressed the ON button. Blue lights comes on. But screen still stays black.
This time, there's a good feeling, because I know I'm focusing on the right thing, Jesus, not on how strong my faith is..
The blue lights suddenly turn off. My eyes were still glued to it. And suddenly the blue lights flicked on and off on and off for a good 4-5 times. The screen flicks to life and shows the name of my laptop brand.
I literately let out a sigh of relieve. But it's not really the end of the story. The screen stays black, it shows, 'Operating System cannot be detected'
Good thing I took IM last semester, I know Operating System is a short form for OS which means Windows 7 for my case. It also means the laptop is working but couldn't detect Windows 7.
This isn't good news, but at least there's responds form the screen instead of just the ON button.
I called Rox, but she wasn't home so I couldn't talk to her dad about this. It's a timely thing too, because I restart the laptop. While doing all that, I kept my source of faith and focus on Jesus. I know He has the power.
The second time the screen flickers on, everything was normal again. The windows sign pops up. Nothing was lagging. That's when I know how much I've misunderstood faith and how much I am loved.
Don't focus on how much energy and strength your believing can make it happen, do focus on how much He can really make it happen- that is effortless.
Now I understand why God says 'Even if you have faith as small as a mustard seed...'
because that's all it takes for it to happen.
Not huge gigantic coconut fruit/seed.
I love the last line <3
ReplyDeleteGod is so good!