The sad thing

The sad thing is, sometimes it's not how much joy you feel but it's how much pain you feel, that makes you realize how much you like someone.

I know that a healthy relationship with anyone, be it friend, family or significant other should not have any negative feelings. Perhaps this is the consequence to pay for awakening things before its' right time, if it is, I am suffering.

I would love to point fingers right now. I would love to trace back to how the plot twists to become what it has become right now. But again, I am reminded that what has happened has happened. So what if I could put the blame on others? Does that mean I am not to be blamed as well? If I can be as bold to blame others, I must be bold to blame myself too. I truly do not understand why things happen the way they did. Why we cross paths with certain people in our lives..

Perhaps I'm starting to understand you more and perhaps I'm sadden at what I've learnt. What happened to all the cautions and precautions? But who am I to say I'm disappointed in you? I'm sure I have given you my fair share of disappointments. You have your questions too, I trust.

I re-read Blue Like Jazz by Don Miller yesterday, and there's this line that says "There are things you cannot understand  and you must learn to live with this. Not only must you learn to live with this, you must learn to enjoy this."

It's not easy learning to enjoy things that doesn't please what you see daily. But I want to learn. I want to learn so badly. Because if I can learn to master this with God's help, I can master almost anything else in life.

The sad thing is I've replaced God in my heart with things that are tangible in my life. But the wonderful thing is, it's God we're talking about... the everlasting God. The God that is good. Despite my surroundings, my situations, my feelings, my thoughts, my desires, He is still the graceful God who overlooked my shortcomings and chose to love me with His life.

"Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me"