Letter to Father

Dear Father,

When I was around 14 or 15, it was the first time I got hurt emotionally.

I simply assume it was because I lack physical attractiveness.

I guess it Your heart broke too; You were sad I could think so negatively of myself.

Even though I've grown out of it now, the scar is still there and it still hurts when it is being rubbed. I cannot think that I am gorgeous. I do not look for compliments or anything, this is just me, what I feel and I am being raw with You.

Through out the years, I've learn to appreciate my own appearance. But things change, while I may have slowly recovered from this physical depression. This scar of mine continue to dig out a series of depressions for me to feel.

I love to tell You that I've dealt with my problems in a proper manner. But I did not.

As a form of method to comfort myself, I find solace in my position in the life of people around me.

I set my value as being this person's good friend, being this person's best friend, being this person's favourite. I threw my measurement of self worth in other people's hands. I can tell you this is never a wise decision, because once people declare you are not valued by them, you come crashing down.

But that was how it is when I have lost my identity and I don't know where to look for it.

A few weeks ago, I received a prayer. I was reluctant because I felt that, at the moment there is no problems in my life. I took prophetic prayer too lightly. The problem with me is that I think prophetic is only 'accurate' when it describe my current life situation, not true. It is also about my future.

It struck me now that it is exactly what I need, her prayer. She told me 'contentment'.

Be contented with who I am. What I have.

The only identity I need to know, is that I am YOUR beloved daughter. The only ruler I need in this universe is Your love.

I am sorry for not seeing that before. For saying I am not as good while You have already made me as You see fit. Sorry for hurting you, sorry for not going to You when I am suppose to.

I'm learning, Father. Day by day, to simply be happy to have You loving me.

Your beloved daughter,

Tam